Directions Not Included
by Cannot Unsee
Summary: An arch...an unexpected pregnancy and McKay has something to do with it....AU... I'm not good at this summary thing....
1. The ArchThingy

Disclaimer: I no own…they no sue!

Author's Notes: This is an AU, where Jack from SG-1 has a sister in the Air Force…. She much younger than he is and she just has been sent to Atlantis…. I'd like to thank Padfoot (AKA Gypsy Lupin-Black) for beta-ing with that horrible red pen…Please review!

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**Directions Not Included**

"McKay… shut up! I can't read this with you yelling at me like some kind of deranged ape!" Major/ Doctor Gwendolyn O'Neill growled at the man who at the moment looked like a sullen teenager. She squinted closer at the Ancient carved into the inside of the blue arch-thingy.

"Well!" He huffed as he walked to the other side of the arch. It had been discovered in a lab, during a run through of the city. Major Sheppard had walked into it while he had been watching Ford try walking on his hands for 20 feet. He had said that it suddenly rushed with power then flicked off.

"Oh, God! You're worst then my bro-"Gwen growled but stopped as a blue light slowly began to sweep over her. There was no sound as it scanned over the stooped scientist. McKay stared as the light shimmered through Gwen; he was frozen to the spot.

"_McKay, O'Neill I need you two at the control room now!"_ Dr. Weir's stressed voiced sounded in McKay's earpiece. Just as the radio clicked off the blue light disappeared and Gwen stood straight and looked at McKay.

"That was strange…"

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It had been a month since the Atlantis team had found four ZPMs in another deserted Ancient outpost. It had been like Christmas morning for everyone of Atlantis when the ability of two-way travel had been established that fateful morning. Even with the ability to open the wormhole home almost everyday, those in command had decided that a connection between Earth and Atlantis would only occur every four months.

Gwen had been one of the first new members of Atlantis to arrive. Jack had been totally apposed, sending his baby sister to another galaxy was not what he called a good birthday present. But after several threats from Gwen and General Hammond, he let her go. That was how an O'Neill graced the floors of Atlantis…and how she got into a very vindictive rivalry with the lead scientist of Atlantis.

"No, no, no! If you connect that you'll crash the system!" Gwen growled at McKay. After the somewhat panicked order from Dr. Weir, both scientists had grudgingly put the inspection of the arch-of-blue-light on the back burner as the rushed to the control room.

"Excuse me! I've been here longer and I know what I'm doing!" McKay snapped as he grabbed the clear glowing wire from Gwen's hand.

"Whatever you say, your Majesty… I'm leaving…. We've been working on this thing for hours." She rubbed her eyes and glared at the caffeine driven maniac lying under the consol.

"You do whatever you want…you-you military _princess_!" McKay said princess as if were a dirty word, "But if Dr. Weir is angry I'm not going to take the heat…"

"Hhmmmm…that's fine. I don't care." Gwen said between two mammoth yawns. She turned toward the staircase and grumbled all the way to her quarters about overbearing co-workers with caffeine addictions being out of control.

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As she got ready for bed her stomach began to feel queasy and if she were being rocked back and forth on her brother's old boat. It slowly got worse and worse as she slid between the sheets, until she bolted for the bathroom and had a meeting with the porcelain god.

"Must be because I spent all day with McKay…" She said to her self as she warily staggered to her bed and gently lowered herself into it.

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A/N: You know you want to click on that little review button… 


	2. Ta ma duh!

Disclaimer: I no own…they no sue!

Author's Notes: Thanks all that reviewed…I really appreciated it! Please review more! And Thanks again to my wonderful beta Gypsy Lupin-Black!

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"Gwen, get your lazy ass up or we're going to be late for the briefing!" A impatient female voice yelled through the locked door of Gwen's quarters.

"Go. Away. Kirsa!" Growled a large blanketed lump on the bed, it shifted farther into the cocoon of warmth as a fist pounded on the door. The pounding got more and more frantic as the lump sighed heavily in complete irritation. Gwen gently tapped into the part of her that could control Ancient devices and unlocked the door.

"Finally!" Major Kirsa Ballard muttered angrily as the doors swished open and she stalked in. She took into account the large lump and shook her head in disapproval. "Did _he_ keep you up all last night, AGAIN!" Kirsa asked as she turned to the small dresser along the wall opposite the bed and opened a drawer. "You know that's the fifth time this week that he made you stay late!" She added irately.

"Hmmmm… Left…Tired…Didn't want to fight…" Gwen mumbled quietly as she shifted so that the only thing seen was the top of her head. Kirsa took a quick glance at the rustling lump and turned back to retrieving clean clothes for her best friend.

Seconds past before clothes were thrown on the lump. "HEY! Kirsa what's the big idea!" Gwen yelled as she threw back the large comforter, ready to start the usual morning fight of 'You-Could-Have-Just-Let-Me-Be-Late.'

"Ta ma duh!" Kirsa yelled in shock as she stared at Gwen's belly. Gwen stared in abject horror at her enormous round stomach.

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Dr. Carson Beckett sat quietly updating his medical journal, making a note to talk to Dr. Weir about certain Majors and Athosion moonshine, when a hysterical voice sounded over the intercom.

"_Be-Beckett… We-we… that is Gwen and I ne-ne-need you… We're in her quarters._" Kirsa stammered in a voice he had never even thought she had.

"I'll be there in a couple of minutes." He said quickly as he grabbed his nearby medical bag and rushed out of his office, toward the whimpering Majors.

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"Wh-what is it Carson?" Gwen asked, having calmed down enough to ask endless questions. She was still staring with large eyes at her stomach and had not moved from the bed.

"Well…Gwen…" Carson said haltingly as he looked down at her rather large stomach, his accent thickening as he thought of what was to come. He shook his head as if gathering his thoughts, "I want you in the Infirmary now…So I can perform a few tests…"

"But Beckett you have to have some idea of what this," Kirsa gestured to Gwen's stomach, "...is." They both looked at Gwen, who again was seemingly entranced by her round belly.

Carson gestured for them to move away from the bed. Out of Gwen's earshot, they both resumed staring at her. "You have an idea of what it is already, don't you?" Kirsa asked as she turned to Carson.

"Aye, I do…In my medical opinion…She seems to be in her seventh month of pregnancy." He said looking sadly at Gwen. "I need you to _quietly_ inform Dr. Weir for me…"

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A/N: Ta ma duh is Chinese for F... me blind

Okay guys the moment of truth… you know you'll feel really guilty about not clicking on that review button!


	3. Heartbeats

So after almost a year, I'm back! If you just starting reading this story, I hop you've notice that I wrote this to take place after the first season. And I'm hoping to be able to update more than once a year this time…. Hehe

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"What do you mean by 'pregnant'?" Gwen nearly screamed at the ill-fated doctor. She struggled out of the hospital bed she had been moved to, so that she could look at him straight in the eye. "I haven't…" She shrugged her shoulders trying to suggest something, her voice not nearly as shrill when she said it, as she followed him to the counter.

"Gwen, you and I both already know that this is not a-a _normal_ pregnancy…" Carson said as he steered her back to the bedside. She sat heavily watching his face as if waiting for some twinkle in his eyes that would tell her it was all just one of John and Kirsa's sick jokes, as some kind of demented payback, maybe dyeing John purple last month had been a bad idea. Carson rolled a stool to the bedside and slid the stethoscope from around his neck.

"Now, Gwen, I'm going to listen to the –ah–baby's heart rate while we wait for Ballard and Elizabeth." He said slowly as he sat on the stool. "I need you to lie down and roll up your shirt a wee bit." His voice was caring, calming and soothing, a voice a doctor should have. Gwen's eyes began to water while everything sunk in as she obediently rolled her once huge seeming pajama shirt up to reveal her enlarged stomach.

"I'm seven months pregnant," She stated no emotion in her voice even though a tear slid down her cheek, "…and no one knows how it happened." Another tear slid down her cheek, as Carson rested the somewhat cold disk against her stomach and made a face. "Not even me…"

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"Should I have Sheppard meet us there? Is Major O'Neill sick, should I start quarantine procedures? Major Ballard, can't you just tell me what this is all about _now_?" Elizabeth questioned with a somewhat impatient tone, as she hurriedly tried to keep the pace that the smaller woman had set. The Major had barged into her office during a meeting with the Captain of an Air Force spaceship that would be flying supply runs for Atlantis.

"I don't really have an idea of what it is myself…" Kirsa muttered a distant look in her eyes, as she quickened the pace into a slight jog. "…but I'm hoping that Beckett does."

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"Hmmm… That's… interesting…." Carson muttered after the fifth check of the baby's heartbeat. He swiveled his stool around to his desk and made a note on Gwen's chart, muttering to himself quietly.

"That's…..ummmmmm….very……_interesting._" He said a bit louder his face purposely lax in an attempt not to show the stress he was under. He turned to look at the worried expression Gwen was now supporting.

"Okay…that doesn't sound very encouraging… I know this sounds ridiculous… but is the baby in there," she vaguely motioned to her stomach as she sat up, "…is the little guy o-o-okay in there." Her forehead knitted in worry.

"Well lass, that's just it the –ahhh- _heartbeats_ are just fine…." His face still desperately attempting not to show his harried emotions as he said these words.

"I'm not a medical doctor or anything, but that sounds like good news for the little guy in there!" Gwen growled with bare her teeth which could only be called a snarl. "I don't need you to stress me out anymore than I already am!"

"Ummmm…well, I'm probably not being clear enough for you…" He paused, made a motion to scoot back gave it a second thought and stood, or rather sat, his ground pulling in a deep breath, " I heard _three_ separate heartbeats, which can only mean-"

"Triplets!!!!! This can't…I c-c-can't…" Gwen whispered breathlessly, trying to force deflated lungs full of suddenly harsh, disgustingly thick air. Her eyes became glassy and she stared into Carson's eyes, gasping for the air that just didn't seem to come.

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